iix

nine

Food Inc

Hungry? After watching "Food Inc" you won't be, trust me. I promise that any hint of an appetite will be nonexistent after watching this shocking, brutally honest, and often times disturbing documentary .

vii: Transitioning

Body building is a pastime that many people take very seriously, often to extreme levels. Mostly this is a male dominated sport, and like most sports there is often controversy regarding the use of steroids and enhancing drugs. I have never been the athletic type myself , but since I have started my physical transition with hormone replacement therapy I have developed a sudden interest; borderline obsession with working out and weight training.

Testosterone had already started to change the shape and overall appearance of my body. I have all but lost my curves and now have a much more masculine figure. For the first month of my steroid cycles I included absolutely no exercise as part of my routine. Somehow despite my lack of effort whatsoever I still noticed significant muscle gain and felt encouraged by the results. 

This led me to wonder about how significant the results would be if I added a weight training program to coincide with my steroid cycle. It seems like I would be wasting an oppritunity if I didn't put fourth t least some physical effort . 

The trouble with hormone replacement therapy is how quickly my muscle mass increases. My muscles are capable of handling weight that my tendons can not keep up with. So I must resist the temptation to show off or lift more weight than I have previously. My doctor put it this way in clinical terms I would be "screwed" if I pushed myself too hard and snapped a tendon. So high reps low weight is my mantra for the time being. 

My doctor doubled my dose of testosterone for each weekly injection, and my energy levels have surged along with my confidence. I also recently met the first other transguy I have ever encountered personally. He has been on hormones for over a year and I was so encouraged by his results. He had transitioned so completely that I assumed he had been born a natural male, it was not until he asked if I was attending pride that I put two and two together. 

Not much else to include in this transition update other than the changes in my voice. It has lowered significantly and I am proud to report the first signs of my newly developing Adam's apple. I am a musician and song wroter but I have had to relearn how to use my deeper voice. Singing is out of the question right now as it causes my voice to crack and makes me sound like a 15 year old. Even though I know I sound ridiculous I am thrilled to finally have my voice drop. 

Extra Credit

I opened the door to su-104 as quietly as possible but still found myself the subject of several sideways glances and turned heads- the very thing I'd been trying to avoid. I'd arrived a few minutes late moments after finishing my math test, the results of which I was far from optimistic about. I grabbed a seat and attempted as best I could to make myself invisible as I took in my new surroundings.

The room was packed with students and the occasional faculty member, all eyes were on the blonde woman speaking. She spoke with an air of authority and that subtle level of arrogance that screamed "cop", normally every instinct I have tells me to place as much distance as possible between myself and law enforcement but I did my best to look studious and convince myself as much as those around me that I belonged.

I pulled out a notebook with the initial intention of taking notes but soon found myself so absorbed in the speakers words I was unable to write. This was far from the typical "stranger danger" lecture I had anticipated. As the detective spoke of her first hand encounters with pimps and their victims I was shocked and troubled by what I heard. In my young life I have seen and encountered plenty that would shock most people and generally consider myself pretty hard to get a reaction out of, just to give you a reference point.

Prior to my incarceration I was acquainted with several proatitutes and interacted with them regularly without ever giving it much thought. Now after hearing the terrible things these girls go through and how they are pulled into the lifestyle and  manipulated into staying, I am ashamed at my younger self for not reaching out to those girls and trying to help them in some way. The lecture ended with a quote that truly resonated with me and that in my opinion is very appropriate...

You may choose to look the other way, but you can never again say that you did not know."

V. Fresh

Many of us rarely question where the food on our table came from, and an even fewer number of us think about how we will continue to put food on it tomorrow and the next day. Americas farms and farmers are in serious danger and the majority of us are not even aware of this issue.








The documentary Fresh ,explores agriculture in modern America and invites us to question where our food comes from, opening up for discussion, why food matters. It invites us not only to think about food and it's sources, but also to think about how our own actions impact this both presently and also for future generations.

For many of us, food is something that has always been there. And because of its constant abundance it becomes so automatic that we consume it without actually thinking much about it. Because we have never gone without it we do not stop to think about where it comes from.
The film Fresh challenges us to break out of this routine and open up a dialogue about what we eat and where it comes from. It's audience is any American who wants to become more educated and aware of what they are putting into their bodies.

iv. Injecting Testosterone

 

My weekly fix.

Before i decided to transition i spent a great deal of time seeking out all the information i could find on the subject. I still could not have prepared for experiencing it first hand. 





Going in for my first injection was exciting and strangely calming at the  same time. I do not know what exactly I was expecting but it took me a moment to realize that it was finally happening. Then There was that awkward pause while it took me a moment to realize it was over.

Just in the first couple of days i noticed some small change like my skin becoming rougher to the touch and it getting oilier faster, which is super annoying but i am happy to take the good with the bad. i am looking forward most to gaining more muscle and developing a lower voice. My fiance teases me relentlessly now because my voice has started to crack. My transition is taking place over the course of a year which is not a long amount of time but right now it seems hard to imagine actually being at that point. but then again a few months ago i never thought i would actually get to start taking testosterone and now here i am with a 5milileter vial of testosterone in one hand and a syringe in the other, about to inject my weekly dose into my thigh. the t is oil based so it is thick and painful to inject intramuscularly but i do it happily and hardly notice the small amount of pain.

the surge of confidence and energy it gives me lasts until the end of the cycle when my mood starts to drop in the day leading up to my next dose. Some people say that the concept of " roid rage" is a myth, perhaps it is often exaggerated but I can say from first hand experience that it is definitely based on very real occurrences. The first few days after my injection my mood swings were so severe I would lash out at people for the smallest things then be crying the next moment then suddenly be in a great mood again, what a rollercoaster .  With time it should even out and I was warned that I could experience this sort of thing but now that it's actually happening I am surprised at how fast and intense these mental changes are .

 Not only is my body becoming that of a male but my thoughts and emotions are also consistently more like those typical in men. For the first time in my life I feel right. My body and brain are beginning to match one another. Fewer and fewer people make the mistake of calling me "she" and now it's Sir, and young man I hear strangers refer to me as when addressing me, finally!


For more info on female to male hormone replacement therapy there are tons of resources online to check out. Online video bloggers such as Skylarkeleven and TyTurner on youtube were especially helpful to me when i made my own decision  to transition. 

iii. status update

be sure to like my selfie!

After Listening to some clips taken from "A Status Update", a particulary interesting episode of THis American LIfe, I thought I would take a moment to share my thoughts here. The specific clip I am going to discuss incluided the perspectives of some teenage girls, as they shared their expierences with social media.
I found the episode inisightful and eye opening specifically because of its choice of guests. If anyone knows about social media, its highschool girls. Most teenagers, girls especially so, are practically glued to their cell phones, tablets, or laptops at all times. Combine that with the intense social pressures to fit in and gain social acceptance and the result is an absoliute obsession with social media.

The girls were very candid as they talked about the reasons behind their posts and the thought and planning and preparatoon that goes into each and every seemingly random or casual post. What might appear to be an unassuming photo of some friends is actually part of a social language and custom in which girls seek and give validation to one another and attempt to gain the acceptance of their peers.

One part of the broadcast that i found particularly interesting was the segment of the discussion where the girls explained what the purpose and meaning behind comments left on eachothers photos. It seems that none of it can just be taken at face value and that one must read between the lines. A comment that says "I hate you" :) :) :) actually translates to "Wow you are so pretty and I am jealous and insecure". This segment offers insight to those of us who are outsiders in this world of likes and tweets and could be especially helpful to parents.

I would definietly reccomend this episode to anyone who wants to gain a deeper understanding of our youths culture, particuarly to those currently parenting teenage or soon to be teenage girls.